Relearning to Listen to Myself

I want to say this is "learning" to listen, but in reality, it is a relearning or a returning.

When we are born, when we are young, all we know to do is listen to ourselves. We feel something, and we share it with those around us - even before we have words. Actually, especially before we have words. My mum reminds me that when I was a baby, I would "tell" everyone around every tiny detail that was going on within my human body! This is her kind way of sharing that I was a "fussy" baby.

And that's just it! We label these expressions; usually, not in the most positive ways.

"Fussy", "Selfish", "Entitled", "Bossy", "Picky"...

Due to these labels and the associations with them, we learn, quickly, to cover up these expressions and our true desires.

If you're like me, you spent most of your teens and 20s learning how to mask the authentic you. The true, deep, real, expressive, feeling you.

Now, in my 30s, I'm relearning and reconnecting to the real me. The me who owns, loves, respects, honours, cares for, gives space to all facets of who I am.

This relearning process is interesting and full of fears. Those labels have been snatched up by Ego and are readily presented at any moment.

For me, one of those key fears has to do with my emotions.

Side note: for those into astrology, I am a Pieces Sun, with Scorpio Moon, Rising, Mars, Saturn, and Pluto (helloooo deep emotions, strong passions, and Scorpion sting!).

I have spent years covering my emotions. Growing up, I cried nearly every day; however, by university, I had blocked that so well, that even now I am relearning how to release my emotions through this healthy and comforting avenue. The fear around my emotions is related to both unpredictable crying and lashing out with that Scorpion sting (it is a fierce one, and likely does more harm to me than those it may be incorrectly directed at).

With age and reflection, what have I learned from these fears?

I have learned, and am still learning, that when I am able to listen to myself, I don't get into situations where these fears are acted upon.

Tools

A few tools I am learning that are assisting me in this relearning process:

1. Human Design. Through learning about Human Design and learning that my Energy Type is a Manifesting Generator, I have felt a sense of permission to jump in and out of what excites me. I am learning to release the judgement around not finishing something, or following through on something that I no longer desire to work on. I am also embracing my strength of getting excited about something or receiving a creative spark, and following it for its duration.
2. Muscle Testing - Sway Method. In this method, I stand tall and still, connect to my breathing, and ask myself a Yes/No question. Then I wait. When I feel a "yes", my body feels light and will sway forward - like I'm being called to the topic in question. When I feel a "no", my body feels heavy/sinking and will sway backwards - like I'm being pushed away from the topic in question.

As a Manifesting Generator (or a Generator), I am still working on learning to listen to the sacral response of "uh-huh" or "uh-uh". For now, I am using the Sway Method to assist in reconnecting to this internal listening.

What I have noticed is that I still get caught up in others' excitement about something and I still get caught up in the "shoulds". I am learning to reconnect with myself; the deeper, truest me.

And that's what is needed! We are all here, on this Earth, at this time, in this human form, with these relationships because who we are and what we are here to do and learn is needed for both the Planet and our soul.

This is Your Life. Show Up. Say Yes. Shine Bright. Shine Your Youness. Only You Can Do You.

Namasté,
~Alannah